you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
