He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
