in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
