so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
