you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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