I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
