Please don't use social media to get back at me.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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