I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
The uberlube is also flammable
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize
