My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Randomize
