Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
