Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
