A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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