I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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