dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
