I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
