Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
