I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I understand Curling. That high.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
