So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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