3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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