Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
