Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
