I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
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I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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