I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
