My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Randomize
