I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
is that a dick in a sweater?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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