I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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