singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
