It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
