Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
