If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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