redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Randomize
