My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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