It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
