wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
