Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
