imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
