Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
