I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Actions speak louder than pants.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
