He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
