Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
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