I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
