I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
home. puking in laundry basket.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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