Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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