I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
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