I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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