I'm lost and stupid without you.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
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On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
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I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
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