I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
