Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Your dad touched me again.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
