Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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