I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
