I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
im holly from the hills drunk
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
