So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
