I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
