I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Help. Why am I so naked?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
