hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
