So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
