You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
