Me. At least after what I've been through.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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