The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
