Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
