If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
