I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
