you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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