so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
