Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
