its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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