Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
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