he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize