I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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