i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
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I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
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Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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