Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
