Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
