I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
